Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Stop Your Whining: Barbie isn't Supposed to Be Human. She's a FRICKIN DOLL.

I just saw a segment on The View. It was yet another study on what Barbie would look like if she were human with those proportions of hers. She would have to crawl on the floor because her feet are so small, she wouldn't be able to stand, etc etc etc. Guess what, you f*ckheads? She is a DOLL. She wasn't created to be a replica of a human for a medical class.

Most dolls are exaggerated- almost ALL of them are! What if Cabbage Patch Kids were human!? They would have gigantic heads that would be so heavy that their faces would hit the floor. What if La La Loopsy were real?! People would be blind because their eyes would be motherf-ing buttons. What if Strawberry Shortcake were real? She would be three feet f-ing tall and the constant smell of berries would bring her nausea.

Barbie is a fantasy doll. A doll who fits into cool clothes and who has cool hair. I didn't want to stretch her gold sparkly dress over wide mom hips. I didn't want to put on her metallic pink bikini on an A-cup. I wanted the bitch to look good! Not like ME, or anyone I knew. I wanted her to look fantastic. And she did.

Did Barbie cause my teenage eating disorders? Possibly. I don't know. Will have to visit a shrink. Did I think my body should look like hers in my twenties? I wished it would. But let's get real- anyone who thinks they should look like a doll is nuts in the head. Me included.

Keep Barbie the fantasy doll. She looks great in her clothes. She has waist long princess hair and feet bent to fit into pumps. Let's not be haters.