How do I be "tough?"
People can smell a fake, so you really have to own this one. Walk tall, shoulders back. Don’t move out of the way for other people when they are walking toward you, make them move. Look people straight in the eye when they are talking to you. Don’t just talk to talk. You might have to wait, but there will be a moment where you will get to show people you are 'tough'. It might be standing up to someone who is messing with someone else, it might be standing up for yourself; taking a stand in some way. Tough people don’t try too hard, they don’t care about the masses and they don’t appear eager to prove anything. So just wait until the opportunity presents itself.
I feel like I don't know who I am. How do I start to figure this out?
This is the time period where you are figuring that out, so please know that it isn't just plopped into your lap one day. There is not a big thick manual of "You" just yet, because you are forming all of that during these years. To be honest, you are forming that all of your life. The older you get, the more you know who you are. But as for right now, you can start to identify things that stand for,
and what you are against. Go through the basic issues of today and ask yourself where you stand on those things (Death Penalty or no-- and why? Woman's right to Choose or Anti-Abortion-- and why? The Right to Bear Arms or Gun Control-- and why?)
Then go smaller. You should figure out things that comfort you (the ocean? The color green? certain music?) and things that repel you (certain smells, certain music, places, etc.) The things that comfort you are clues to who you are, your insides.
Try and figure out who you admire and why, because those traits are probably things you want to be one day. Someone who takes on censorship and is for free speech? Someone who cleans up inner cities? Someone who designs fashion and is ultra creative? Someone who is passionate about animals? Someone who is the CEO of a do-good company? A total villian on TV who takes over the world? Who ever it may be, that is a clue to who you want to emulate and the qualities you find important.
Ask yourself what makes you happy and what makes you sad. The things that make you happy? Those are part of YOU, those are things that mean something to you. The things that make you sad? Those are things you are against, or have issue with, or do not want around you.
Think about places that made you feel at home. Those places have elements of things that are important to you. Break it down, and figure out what they are.
What movies do you love? Think about why. What are the messages in them? What are the feel of them?
These are all clues. Then you can start narrowing down what you want in the future, what kind of job you want to go into, what type of person you are looking for, who you want to be and what you want to do.
Then go smaller. You should figure out things that comfort you (the ocean? The color green? certain music?) and things that repel you (certain smells, certain music, places, etc.) The things that comfort you are clues to who you are, your insides.
Try and figure out who you admire and why, because those traits are probably things you want to be one day. Someone who takes on censorship and is for free speech? Someone who cleans up inner cities? Someone who designs fashion and is ultra creative? Someone who is passionate about animals? Someone who is the CEO of a do-good company? A total villian on TV who takes over the world? Who ever it may be, that is a clue to who you want to emulate and the qualities you find important.
Ask yourself what makes you happy and what makes you sad. The things that make you happy? Those are part of YOU, those are things that mean something to you. The things that make you sad? Those are things you are against, or have issue with, or do not want around you.
Think about places that made you feel at home. Those places have elements of things that are important to you. Break it down, and figure out what they are.
What movies do you love? Think about why. What are the messages in them? What are the feel of them?
These are all clues. Then you can start narrowing down what you want in the future, what kind of job you want to go into, what type of person you are looking for, who you want to be and what you want to do.
I messed up in high school with grades, the law, and everything else. People are scared of me now, I have no one to talk to. How can I start over?
Okay well you are definitely going
through a rough time, and it sounds like you are taking it out on other people
(they could deserve it for all I know, no judgement here.) So what I would do
first, is try to reign it back in, get a hold of your temper and impulses and
make sure you don’t do anything that could get you arrested. That is first and
foremost. Then, start thinking about the grades. Sounds like you have been
distracted so you couldn’t concentrate on school for a minute there. As far as
people to talk to, that will come. People might be afraid of you right now.
They need to know that you are not really a bad person, and they don’t know
yet. I had a terrible, terrible high school life. I thought I wouldn’t even
live past it. Not only did I live past it, but I became wiser because of it.
All of the stuff you are going through now will make you stronger and better,
if you can get it under control. Do not give up on yourself. And if it makes
you feel any better, I never saw any of the kids from my high school ever
again. Maybe one or two in passing, but the rest? Nope. Made all new friends.
You will make new friends when you get jobs when you are older. You will even
end up with roommates and relationships from the jobs you will get in a few
years. So don’t worry, this will pass.
My friends aren't inviting me to things! They did something without me...
It might not even be anything you did wrong, they are just vibing together as a little group. Sometimes people are hanging out together and say “Hey, we should go to ___ next week” and they make a plan. They don’t say “Oh wait….we forgot to invite (insert name of other friends who they still like but who weren't in the conversation that day). I wouldn’t take it as something bad. But I would start to make my own plans and invite them, or, maybe completely different friends to do things. I wouldn't sit and wait for further invitations to hang out.
My friends aren't inviting me to things! They did something without me...
It might not even be anything you did wrong, they are just vibing together as a little group. Sometimes people are hanging out together and say “Hey, we should go to ___ next week” and they make a plan. They don’t say “Oh wait….we forgot to invite (insert name of other friends who they still like but who weren't in the conversation that day). I wouldn’t take it as something bad. But I would start to make my own plans and invite them, or, maybe completely different friends to do things. I wouldn't sit and wait for further invitations to hang out.
